// invitation.//

i am invited.
my best friend ,an old friend , an ex boyfriend is getting married.

how quaint -this rush of inexplicable sense of haste and age weighing down on me.

have time passed so quickly, that i overlooked the celebration of my very youth ? there are days that i looked back and i wondered why i didnt try a little harder on my relationship with my greying dad.i couldnt even remember why i even exhausted my days locked in my room of dark curtains ,forgotten angst and past romances, instead of hanging out with friends.

it was always me texting them,"no,not today."
till,our frienship,like me drifted into the oblivion.

the routinisation of such reclusiveness somehow makes me feel alittle inadequate,almost like an improperly socialised child belonging to nowhere but his own world. i had many relationships but none as lasting as i wished it was ,maybe because i didnt think it would be a worthwhile.

yet these days,my boyfriend and i have been talking about getting married when we are done with grad school and pursue our post grad together. i always thought i am prepared to do the things i ought to do and for once, be an average daughter,lover,and friend.

but now i just feel like a little girl wearing the shoes of a woman.

October 2006
November 2006
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January 2007
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