-girl-

fever's subsiding. that's good.

There are alot of things that a girl typically does to preoccupy herself. and i realised it's been a long time since i even last did something of that sort or the likes of it.

speaking of which, it reminds me of something kenp tells me.That i should really take comfort in the fact that i am starkingly different from the girls out there.

As much as i see them as signs of weaknesses, as traits that abet a woman's downfall.Needyness of anyone to reciprocate and care for your wellbeing. The lack of emotional and mental strength to live for yourself and noone else.The failure of the realisation of the greater things in life apart from all that skin deep superficialities

The truth remains - i feel so hard -bitten and callous all the time. but i know it makes me strong.

Enough of these senseless talks. Singapore International Film Festival is round the corner and i have drawn up the list of movies i want to watch. But i aint sure if i have even got a budget for that. That's how freaking broke i am. $100 on films? sheesh.

booo.

'hi mister, can i do yr laundry for you?'

boo.

-take a look at him now-



okaye. i swear. The postal service cant get any more emo-ed than this.
MUSH to the max. I SWEAR! eeeeewww. okaye but EUG YOO MAY LIKE THIS. here's the indierock-mush rendition.


i aint going to fight with all that truck loads of women out there just to be with josh hartnett.
hah! i only want to break up with him!
so can i , can i? :D

well, with a special request from dimas, who wants happier peektures.
here goes.

HAPPY ENOUGH, ANOT. DIMAS!

AND SECRETLY I KNOW YOU ARE ENJOYING THAT NIPS LICKIN'. HAHA!

latch it up,latch it up...

-filler post 1-

Dear Mr XXXX,

i am bored,with a capital B.
Work has never been more boring.
Well , not that i am skiving ,really.

But i have really no idea how and why the Aging Report this month can be so much better than last month's when i am either watching bleach half the time , reading online books , doing my online shopping ,surfing through photography galleries and sites,thinking abt lunch, listening to my itunes in the toliets and talking to random friends online.

then i guess i will be making small talks with the customers over the phone on why they should really start paying up, with the remaining time, which really isnt much, by the way.

well, since i havent got a effective outlet for all that pent up anger , i created a BITCH CHART TOPPERS for all the nasty customers. sometimes i swear i want to poke their eyeballs and make it into some swinging pendulum or even better, glue all their nose hair into huge clumps and just yank them out all in one go. HMM. no now that , yy is into piercings. i will rope her in, and we can do FREE NIPPLE PIERCING with a blunt pencil for them.

i am not feeling good too. i didnt bring my ipod and now i am seriously suffering from the withdrawal systems. no more basementjaxx, no more oakenfolds, no more stereophonics, no more dishwalla, no more copeland, no more yo la tengo. HOW TO SURVIVE THE WRETCHED OFFICE HRS, TELL ME.

it's all thanks to kelvin who really wouldnt let me go sleep and who has to keep making me laugh at 1 in the morning. now i am soo pooped. boo.

then. today. my currypuff exploded in the microwave oven. and now the oven looked as if some wretched kid diahorreaed in it.

then deelun told me i am on some papers.

i just want to do what singaporeans do best. WHINE AND COMPLAIN.


signing off,
miss grumps.

-
okaye. MUM 's extremely nice.It's really no wonder why mother's day comes before father's day, since mistergod probably knows how mothers do deserve a ,well,better pressie than a old fogey grump!

she's agreeable on the idea of wallpapering my room , like at last? After hrs and hrs of looking for MY wallpaper online, i am settling on this, it's going to be on all the wall panels of my room and then i will be either painting the ceiling or cornice red, depending on how well dad is going to react to painting such a outrageous color.

Then that wardrobe is off to the black hole in space. my bookshelf too.Instead, i will be replacing them with white shelving units from ikea, and probably a giant white /silver /red wardrobe too?

I have got a nice couch, so i will keep that and probably just buy a new throwover for it. I will need to repaint my working desk. i cant bear to throw it away, (considering how seldom i use it,which is really only indicative of how much work i was doing last time?) bah.things are in for a change,buggers. full time geek, that's what i will be when sch reopens.

i think i will need help for my desk. anyone? ideas and of course, the diy too.
yes a rug too, please.

hmmmm. i really wouldnt want mum to spend too much on the wallpaper and the wardrobe, considering how it's frigging expensive to import it in and then all the manual labour involved too. So, this really means, i am going to bear all other expenses by myself and for that, i might have to shelf aside ALL other expenses which includes my books, and camera equipments and ALL travel plans. boooooooooo

BUT. A NEW ROOM? who can say no? i am sure cambodia, bangkok, or even a holiday to europe can wait, right. it's my frigging living quarters, a place where my ideas/themes for photography shall materialise, a place where dreams will be crafted into reality, a place where i mope, eat, grow my colony of ants and mess( okaye i promise to upkeep my room!), a place where i bring boys men home to make out ----> KIDDING LA, WTH!

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I CANT WAIT. okaye,when it's done. i will invite all to bum around in my den. but, with invites only! for now, gun,elvin,lionel and yy has top priority!

-the things we do-

i aint in the mood for blogging, nonetheless i decided to redo the earlier entry. Reason? i dont know too? We dont need causes to justify our actions all the time , do we? It's just too tiring, or at least, i am tired of it all.

oh well, had yy over the weekend. Even though it's typical of any pyjamas sleepovers but i reckon it's a tad different?Well it has to be, especially when we are 22? There are no defined activities that differentiate a adolescent from a adult,but having a sleepover isnt something that i think i would still do at 22?

Nonetheless, it was SHITE fun. it's amazing how we could go on and on talking for 6 hrs while downing ourselves with vodka coke? we also decided to whip up some scrambled eggs with mozarella cheese and tuna too? All that just to satisfy those early morning hunger pangs . i seriously think there wasnt enough food to go around. But with a friend that eats like a bird, i havent got much to worry.

Then there are those films we watched too.

it's a good start to my weekend. Afterall, i realised i have been too caught up in my stuff that i havent had such earnest talks with anyone for a long long time.

I guess i needed some resolve, and some affirmation that it was for the better good. It's times like this that i am really thankful for having a gf around.then it's time to get back to my books ,films and photography too.

yy,mynewfoundgirlbestbud.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

i know the days are good,
when it's me who wills them so.

the painter of lies.

dreams on your wings.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

- tiny birds -
she has no answers to those questions.
she couldnt ask - there was nothing to ask for.
she couldnt speak - of words that belonged to no hearts.
foolish games; they had it good.
this slow conflagration that devours all that she knew and believed.
her wings are clipped, his dreams tangled in her sheets.
it's all fleeting by too quickly.

This - a summer that'll never come;
and she who is just holding on to the tail of her sun.

-the introspector-

i am back at 3.49 am in the comfort of my room with
1. lotsa fishie bites from my snorkling trips.
2. lotsa gross peeling skin flakes for all to share.
3. a tan.
4. 2 israelites, a japanese and a canadian family as friends.
5. flab upon flab.
6. adventures and misadventures that will be shared soon enough.


The trip was good, especially when half the time i was roaming around the island on my own. This physical form of escapism never felt better.There were just so many pictures i wish i could have taken, but themeanmachine was just too badly battered by the conditions ( seaspray,sand,salt and dust, and my mishandling) by the second day. boo.

Even though there's always this lulling soothe to the the beaches and smiles of the locals,you just cant help but to look a little longer, a little closer at the faces and the buildings that survived the aftermath of the tsunami. There's always this tugging thought to want to disect and learn more abt them whose way of life/society is now more than ever driven by mass tourism and consumerism.

Young women scantily clad, who now only seek temporal solace of their dreams at dusk . They who can only adorn themselves with all the jewellry they claim possession of, and be ingratiated with nothing but the sultry lips and slity eyes they call their own, to win the favour of men . Men who promised them a better future , by simply - demanding them to spread their legs.

sidenote:(It's quite a sight really, for a moment, you just stop downing your singha and get alittle distracted by the things they do.( ladyboys flashing their hard and unbouncy titties at men and girls as young as 15 , strutting around in minis that will put even kate moss to shame). Anyway,I am not being racist here, but indian/banglas nationals there,by far is one of the worse behaved men i have seen so far.boorish ,brazen and rude. it's just repulsive to even imagine what it feels like for the call girls to service them. )

The reality has never felt more real, there and then.

But anyway, it does gets alittle disturbing, knowing the places and people that are there before arent around anymore.It even gets alittle imponderable how a place as serene as that, can be ravaged through and through and yet survived it all.

The thai foodfare has always been one of my favourites.Padthais and more padthais.It's a gourmet spread that goes easy on the pockets. i reckon it's our currency that does wonders there .you are going just going to orgas and laosai at the mammoth sizes of their monster prawns and fish there. Despite my allergy to the seafood,I still stuck on my mantra and went on a padhai,pancake with nutlella and bananas,fruit shakes and club sandwich binge.Yes, my new found mantra, IT IS NOT MY WORDS BUT MY MOUTH THAT IS LAW.


oh well, Phuket, a place that will soon be in my distant memory, but nonetheless a place i will go again, soon enough.


i reckon it's a really good holiday, though half the time, i felt something was amiss, something was missing.

and work starts tomorrow.HOW WRETCHED. but hah! i am giving it a miss.

pictures soon!


for lionel: your latest photos are really nice! and i want to show you the photos of this other photographer!


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
// you- a habit i cant quit//

-circle of trust-

There are moments in our lives, where either us,or people whom we have established close social relationships with,just, move on prematurely. I guess it all comes with the different realisations of how we no longer suit up to the different phases and facets of each our own lives .
No one's indispensable, i guess. The whole notion of easy come, easy go social relationships is not a true representation of my social circle of friends or my take on social relationships perse, though i must say , it does hold some truths.

I have lost people whom have been very dear to me, and i believe, likewise i have changed /grown enough in the past 8 mths, to not be needy of anyone at all . With that, i have left certain people behind to just be the specks and dusts of time and oblivion. As harshly as it sounds, as much as i believe in their kind intentions to remain in contact, do know that it is never obligatory on my part to reciprocate these intentions. Simply because,one, YOU have broken this trust, and now YOU are out of my circle of trust, Two, i believe that there are more worthy people in my life that's worth vesting my very much limited time and attention to.

Of course, there are friends, whom i havent been talking much to, of late,and i can only seek your understanding and more understanding, that there are but so much that i can cope with.Do know that, for all who has always been around for me,i can never be more thankful to you. So please bear with me.

But there are a couple of these people that's now/has always been in my circle of trust, that i cant be more thankful for.

1.Elthevin bestie.- because you always are, and always am my bestie.
2.YY - my newfound girlbud, for all the random things that we always come up with.
3.Eug - for being nonsensically nonsense and random enough to always tag and induce laughter in mine and yy's most emo of all emo nights .
4.Lionel - for just being around in everything that i want to do!
5.Kenp - for our occasional but nonetheless,satisfying online convos.
6.griigorri- for all the convos abt the shites in photography and life that transcend beyond the spatial distance .
7.leongster - for the lunch that we had today, cos it's always refreshing to see a face again and again and again for the past 9 years.
8. john- for the many convos and things that we have enjoyed doing together.


:).
Thank you all.
and hopefully by the time , i am back,
you can say hello, to my new tattoo!

okaye. sorry i know i am sup' to be on a hiatus.
but this's for eug.
here's a testimony of how highly yy and i think of our bird hero.


disseminate the goodbyes. says:
eug
disseminate the goodbyes. says:
power dancer can
Yy says:
is it?
disseminate the goodbyes. says:
EVEN JOHN takes his hat off eugene la
disseminate the goodbyes. says:
WHY DO YOU THINK I AM ALWAYS TRYING TO GET EUG
disseminate the goodbyes. says:
OUT TO CLUB
disseminate the goodbyes. says:
i want to seeeeee him in action la
Yy says:
is it?
Yy says:
haha
disseminate the goodbyes. says:
apparently
disseminate the goodbyes. says:
he can do those hip hop locks noe
Yy says:
is it?
disseminate the goodbyes. says:
that's what john says la
scullly eug's elson's secret partner
disseminate the goodbyes. says:
that's why they have to wear mask
Yy says:
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaa
disseminate the goodbyes. says:
but of course
Yy says:
then who is the person tt was with us in the audience?
disseminate the goodbyes. says:
ahhahahaha REBECCAAAAAAA
disseminate the goodbyes. says:
IN A MASK

.......

to our dear eug. dont we love you so.

(:

kenp always tell me i am free spirited, and it always puzzles me what that meant.
But now i do.

For one,I havent got much friends who will partake in my kind of madness, my kind of impulsiveness, my kind of spontaneity to do random things, my kind of fickleness to do something now, and then have a change of mind 1o secs later. my kind of humor,my kind of fun and nonsense.

But lionel will.

i wanted to swim 4o laps today. and he did, despite, not swimming for the longest time.
i wanted to go to the it show one moment and to town the next , and for both , he agreed without qualms.
i wanted to trade in my ipod for ipod video,buy my crumpler, pick my dress up and needed some good company and advice, and he was there, he who came all the way from home to town, even though we were supposed to swim.
even when these days i am afraid of crossing the roads and i do get alittle jittery when i see alot of cars, he will always make sure the road's safe.

thank you. partner in crime.
esp. the 40 laps swim and the poolside talk.
thank you . and yes , for all the shillings for our bus rides too.

a friend in need, is a friend in deed.
but i think a friend with weed is better.. :)

(sidenote: i am still quite a chicken poop,and coward , for that matter. and NO.I am not lackadaisical. )

then,
i think i need to love and care for myself alittle more.
i am sick again.
the nose's blocked, the throat feels funny, my fever's back.


then,
i will be away next week too.
hopefully ,when i am back,
i will stop feeling the way that i do now, cos i am tired of it all.
i need to know what's good for me and what isnt.
i think i need to be firmer with my decisions and myself.


i know i am supposed to be on hiatus. but this's really for lionel.

-alterego-

she's tired.
i really am.

then she's so tired.
that i was almost killed on the road last night.

she doesnt know why.
i dont too.


she thinks she need to go on a hiatus for a while.
from here. from there. from everywhere. from everything and everyone for awhile.
but i dont want to be cut off.
from here. from there. from everywhere. from everything and everyone for awhile.



goodbye.
goodbye.

-some stupid bird-

If she's some stupid bird , roosting in the tree,
she's quite sure she will just fall off and break her stupid skull.
Her sleep hasnt been good;
She just keep falling in and out of her sleep .
She hears voices;
She has random people disappearing before they finish what they are saying.

If she's some stupid bird, with a bird brain.
She wishes a rein for her thoughts;
'It's too jumbled up,'
She will say,
'It's like a train throttling at full speed, running me over !
No! It's more like this giant palette of colors gone wild ,
And i am that mad irate artist painting a picture that will never be finished! '
But can birds really think?

If she's some stupid bird with silly feathers,
She will never find her feathers on other birds;
'Birds of the same feathers flock together , dont they?'
She asks,
'i am getting too warped/radical for my own good . but kenp says this 's makes me atypical from the lorry of birdwomen out there. '
But she begins to wonder,
If she's even a bird after all.

If she's some stupid bird,
Then surely, she must be a good bird too.
She has been hardworking at work.
But she knows better;
She's becoming not only a stupid bird,
But a fat stupid bird too.
She reckons that her arms will grow flabby enough ;
That she can just flap them and take off like some stupid bird.
And so, she sighs.

If she's some stupid bird stuck in a city,
Then she must that stupid bird who knows abt the birdquake.
then it's the dip in the stockmarket due to the unwinding of birdyen.
She thinks to herself and say,
'i wish i could just not give a birddamn about anything at all.
and just fly away.
like.
some stupid bird.'


the story of a stupid bird.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

when all that hangs at the tip of their tongues are;
just ,' was-s, were-s and never be-s ..'
let's all have a jelly bean!

+++++++++++++++++++++++

when all she feels,sees, and breathes is fear ...

okaye. i think i slept for 12hrs. straight.

and that's to make up for all the sleep that i missed for the past 3 days.

then i know i havent been replying lionel's and terence's msgs too.

sorry. :(


it has been hellava busy weekend.
then maybe it's because i am too used to being on my own.
i just.
cant cope with the sudden revival / appearance of new friends/people in my life.
then i miss gun too.


sorry to all.

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