I am happy today! :)
prayers ,books,subways,photography, *L and theboy makes me a happy girl. always.
because they care. :)
-sunday mornings-
updated.
[time : 21 .42hr]
[mood : sick ]
[song : Where did you go - Fort Minor ]
I realised how these days my blog entries are becoming digressive allusions to what's really happening . This used to be an expository outlet for the once subtle but peaceful moods and poignant emotions. My very own eden where dreams and thoughts reign free without the imposition of reality and societal ideals.
I question my sanity these days.
I am amazed at the tangential direction of my emotions to the reality. Superficiality at its best once again. The most artful thing in the world is acting naturally, isnt it.
My nonchalence to all that happened eludes me .Even the most basal ability to acknowledge my thoughts and feelings is failing me. All that can happen , and have happened, be it good or bad, are now only capable of inducing emotions that are weak and irresolute.
I may laugh, but i miss being able to laugh heartily.
I may smile, but i miss being able to smile from the heart.
I am too tired, to be angry nor be sad .
The recognition and awareness of any of these are now. Far too exhaustive for me.
Yet increasingly, i find myself sucked into this vortex of fear and bleakness that enshrouds me through and through.
Pardon me tonight. It's isnt everyday, that i can put words to these thoughts anymore.
It must be the nasty pills , the terrible weather and a veryvery sullen sunday.
goodbye all.
-desolation-
boyatplay.
Weekend getaway at changi was , well ,good. No, i think, good will be an understatment. Lotsa chips,bleach,chips,bleach,dips,and everything else amongst other things. It's a pity i didnt get to skinny dip though.
It's funny how time passes alittle too quickly sometimes, that you really lose track of it and you havent got any idea how you really spent it? But theboy says it's only because we are having it good and we are enjoying ourselves. But know what, i would say, good times dont last literally. For one, it always seem to pass us by ever so quickly, two, then something that's a wet blanket 's bound to happen and spoils it all.
Not that myweekend's ruined,it's not at all. i wont let things that's not within my control or of minimal significance to bog me down. It's just that, being the worrywart that i am, i cant help pulling my hair out worrying. SMU has received my application.That's fine and dandy. But, now, they are asking for my ntu transcripts and this is exactly what i do not need to spoil my mirthful weekend.
siiiighs.time to catch up on lost sleep.
meanwhile,
woe befalls not on eloera today,tomorrow and the days ahead please.
*e high on grouses-o-meter.
:(
+++++++++++++++
it's with you, that i can be me...
A Den in the forest of dreams;
Of fading memories that haunt in permanence,
Of fears and paranoia that wields and kills,
24 January 2007,
Eloera Jesusa Woon,
Nikon d50
dont let your papers turn grey. read them.
memories on the noose .
well, am picking up the pieces slowly,but surely.
at least now, the days do not seem as bleak and unbearable,though i am still keeping my fingers crossed.
sat was good.
dinner, movie,chilling out with lionel at mitre's hotel, was well, comfortable. i mean it's isnt everyday that you find someone ,who has so much in common with you.Well ,for one you dont have too many weird people like us, who aspire to own old dingy private bookshops in shophouses , or who spend so much time and money reading books after books, and watching films after films, like there's no tomorrow? Then, it's our photograpy concepts , the uncanny similiarities in our compositions too.
good, i have got myself another partner in crime when school starts. varsity life in smu will and shall not be synonymous with 'dreadful' no more and it will no longer distress eloera as much as how her dwindling social life back in that cubbyhole did.
greg tells me i am happier these days. i think so too. i am slowly talking to my friends again, allowing them to f**k my mind up , like how unkerphua is doing at 4.13am. ;)
But mostly, the reason's something/someone else.
theboy hates mush that 's publicized. theboy hates the idea of kissandtell via online mediums.
theboy has so many clauses in the gfmanual, that well, i am just all so tempted to break a couple of them. every single day,every single night. :)
but one day,
let these words that she hopes to say, be the stories her eyes will tell, when they have the courage again.
for now, a thankyou is all she has to offer for all that he has done,shown and taught her.
-friday i am in love-
met jason for a while in the morning.
it's bad to do so much adminstrative work early in the morn.
it clogs your brain .
it's also a chore to take a cab when you are running late?
the uncles are nice most of the time, but the operators and meters arent.
i am pretty much a pauper now. it's really no surprise considering how much i am spending on my books ,films and all their acompaniments , ruffles, st michael's , milk teas and the sorts.
met up with the girls from college too .
went back to college. sweet o' nostalgia.
juniors are a disappointment though, dowdy and Boring with a capital B. they look boring. they speak boring. they shite boring.
with that, i think we rock balls.
then it was waffles with gelatos at gelare in town.indulgence's good.
and i realise it's been a while since i last swam.
SERIOUSLY if mrgod meant for us to touch our toes,
he would have put them further up our body.
so for now, let's all get high and wobbly with some flab euphoria.
theboy's fishies aint doing too well. i dont do well with deaths,be it people or animals.
i have yet to come to terms with the notion of an abrupt end to all thought processes of the concious mind after death.
does death marks the end to our sub concious ?
oh well,i like what nichole ritchie's wearing.
her blue overalls. it's exactly what i need for lazy weekends.
but it's $65. sighs.
sad is the girl who eats only fizzypiglets all day and all night. ;)
fizzypiglets make me happy.
well ,only you know why.
goodbye to the randomness of a friday.
Clementine : " This is it, Joel. It's all going to be gone soon."
"Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders."
- the thirteenth floor. -
she :" from the moment, this stimulation's created, i watched you..."
she: " i fell in love before i even met you..."
she : "your kindness... your integrity..."
he : " how can you love me, when i am not even real...?"
he : " you cant fall in love with a dream."
she : "you are more real to me than anything i 've ever known..."
everything's not real;
it's all smokes and mirrors...
lionel , the ignoramus was asking why this entry's such a mush.
but really. please go google the thirteenth floor.
it's just hellava good film and that i must say, though emomomo as can be, is just about the most moving/( and of cos,hellava cheesy) thing that gretchen mol can tell craig bierko?
but you really gotta watch the show, to know what i am saying.
gregorii would know best. hmm :)
dont come and go.
like you always do...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
to wrestlerunknown.
these days, when you seem to be the only one that can make me laugh the way that you do, i just wish i have more to say and tell you..
nonetheless, i am still your fiercesome she-wrestler.
think of a name soon.
before i chin lock you next friday in our arena.
stone cold stunning and choke slamming,
jade claw .
-breathe-
because our silence protect us from ourselves.
because i will never want to be a spectator of my own collapse.
beccause i will never want to realise that this abyss may close on me forever.
i will pray.
tonight,
i pray for god's light and grace, for a strength and wisdom to walk me through this .
tonight,
i pray for forgiveness for all whom i have sinned against and whom have sinned against me.
breathe. and to live. again.
