Friday, September 26, 2008'♥
//things just aint going right.//
for now,
i hate writing business letters.
i hate the whole pretense and formality.
humility vs subservience. pui.
i do not know how to write when even the most subtle emotive is being penalised.
isnt writing all about setting your moods and message straight.
two.
i am going to ignore you.
i hate it when you snap especially when i did nothing wrong.
i hate it when you get impatient like an old man.
i dont fucking care if you read this.
three.
i hate cheats.
dead sellers.
projects.
tests.
readings.
four.
i am fat.
and this is my fucken good life.
1:43 AM
Wednesday, September 17, 2008'♥
- timeless fallacy.-
listening :bereft -poff
it's tiring- to constantly explore these boundaries.
the exercise of reality on your consciousness can only be so true until you cross them,break them and be persecuted, for the very fallacy that you kept alive for so long.
3:11 AM
Sunday, September 14, 2008'♥
-watch them fly saturdays.-
just when i thought i had a little something to pique the interest of who and what is left in this void space, my cs 3 dies on me.
so the story goes.like a fat pussy cat in the loft, i have long been domesticated and has evolved to nothing more than a bum. Any sport or any attempt to bring me out to the great outdoors is a torment to both me and the perpetrator of my comfort ( him). playing badminton with his parents at the club have left me sore and blistered. it doesnt take an idiot to know that badminton isnt my best talent and for a while, it did feel like the badminton paralympics.
and no, i am not complaining despite that deceiving overtone. i had fun, no doubt about it. in fact i forsee myself playing on a more regular basis.
anyway,we headed to linc's place in the afternoon.i slept while the boys went about their business in war hammer and sorts. steamboat was good ,company was good, dessert was good. journey way home wasnt. travelling home from the east is just insane.
truth be told, just now was the first time i was ever on a monkey bar.
anyway,it felt alittle sad leaving lincoln's place. i am never good at seeing friends fly off.
it is just depressing.
p.s. sorry , that i couldnt post pictures of the groupie.photobucket just reduced us to nothing but blurry pixelated squares.
p.s . i was thinking to myself just now .so what if flab reality checked in on those thighs? i would look into the mirror a thousand times and still think i am beautiful.
1:59 AM
Wednesday, September 10, 2008'♥
i woke up feeling like his cupboard, his black table and the blue plastic bottle.
12:07 PM
Tuesday, September 09, 2008'♥
-straitjacket-
it feels like i am living a double life or the sorts.
of what it should be and of what i want.
11:49 PM
Friday, September 05, 2008'♥
-caretaker.-
it's more than a year now.i havent quite being able to put a word to 'us.' on somedays , when the dependency stint in me shadows above all rationale, i will like to say we are cohabiting together . somehow i like the idea of his immutable presence in his(my) room,with me,now, though , he really is in school.
undoubtedly,there are yet so many more days, where my soul would rebel against this routine,this restlessness for the seemingly greater triumphs of singlehood.
but they wouldnt last.
if love and couplehood doesnt rest on the weight of dependency ,then what does? we learnt and grew together,as a being in whole.those neverending pages and pages, of tears,joy,laughter and anger marked lessons, we wished we learnt earlier.
i cant remember when was the last time we did not speak for a single day, except for the times we were separated beyond the spatial distances and timezone differences. it was a test that we both didnt fare too badly. neither can we be angry with one another for more than a night,and so we learnt to demarcate our pride ,apologies and us, and nestled into the dawning of our new day.
it wasnt too long ago, that i barricaded and hardened myself to be someone incapable of love and let-downs.i toyed with feelings,both mine and others. i scorned at the modesty of other girls and mine in clubs. afterall, havent we been trampled and killed inside out? i wasnt alone,for he too, flleeted aimlessly in the mercurial wings of time, on distasteful romances and lost time.
with our hearts on this table, we gambled and we won,unrivalled.
today, the leather strap of my favourite bag broke ,and though it may just break again, but i know for a fact,he will always be there to bear the weight on my shoulders. it's his persistance in
he may be ordinary and of commonplace to you, but he is someone who has made me believed that i am , at last, deserving,of nothing but the best.
he is,everything, to me.
if he doesnt deserve to be the caretaker of my heart, who is?
2:37 PM
Wednesday, September 03, 2008'♥
-a spoilt ,rotten douchebag.-
to be honest,
i am quite used to getting the things i want.
but these days,
tables have changed.
sometimes learning to take ' no' as an answer, i reckon , is atkin to finding a shortcut that never existed.
why we do see the imbecile's denial and relentless persistance in the mirror?
on a sidenote, 11 weeks to europe with hubs.
1:27 AM
