i have been so busy lately that even sitting by the com for a breather, is a LUXURY.
havent had the time to sit down, and well, just think. to think and sort out this slew of jumbled mess up in that cranial.

i am home at last. only for a while i guess. all that travelling from pasir ris to yew tee is wearing me down. Then i guess it's the lack of sleep since that bangkok trip.i am tired.

well nye this year's going to be alittle different. company's different, for one. and the things we are going to do is , well for sure, something that i would never think of doing on nye.
yeah. john and i are going to mount faber via that trusty cable car for a nye fireworks shoot.
well, we wanted to do a dinner picnic too, with fondue and all. but it's all going to be too much of a hassle. it's going to be a quiet nye on a hill that overlooks the singapore skylines.

it should WILL be good, i suppose. ;)
then it 's with his friends later in the night at The Balcony.
it will just be us with the mozzies and our choco pot.


there's alot on my mind lately. yeah. it's going to be 6 mods next sem. it aint going to be easy. then the internship too.and the exchange prog. everything suddenly seems to0 overwhelming for me. then i realised too, every step taken forward, could just be another step back. i think it's the concious realization of you moving on , that induces this withdrawal drawback into what was before.Then you start having that fear spread over you. i dont like it. it isnt good.


i have been talking to mum alot, about what has been happening lately. you will be surprised with the things i confide in her. i cant say it here but let's just say she's happy for me.
i think i changed quite abit over this whole year.i see alot of things in a different light now. for one, i am more receptive to changes . two, perspectives change with experiences and lessons learnt.

time fleets by, and as the years go, i see my dad age. there are so many times i wish i could just let everything go and treat him right again. But it has been so long, the barricades that have been built and fortified over time against him and myself is already wearing away a bond, that were once so close to our hearts.


i would love to sit around and blog alil more. but i cant. sighs. i just hate it when the entries gets so incoherent and so random, and worse , when i have yet ,to say all that i want to say.

this is as anal as it gets.literally.

i havent been pooping for the longest time now. it's really no good if i grow too reliant on laxatives to ease my bowel all the time.

oh i watched night at the museum with rod on thursday . i would prefer adam sandler to ben stiller's works anytime but nonetheless,it was good.but i think it was the green tea ice cream that made our day?

hah. then i finished my of mice and men by ben steinback too. it's good, i suppose. not too bad for a quick read,i wld say.

so yeah i spent the night over at my grans. nothing beats spending time with them.Really there's something just inexplicable watching two aged people going about their daily chores. Just watching the handsome gait of my granddad as his footsteps shuffle along the corridors, or watching the feeble hands of my grandma as she threads her needle, is , just so calming.

increasingly, i am becoming more at peace with myself and the things around me these days. i guess it has been easier for me to find contentment in the littlest of all things. i realised i was being too hard on myself in the past.

it's going to be 5 days with the tays at a chalet over at pasir ris. well. i am already there right at this moment. and i cant believe i cycled alone for 4 hours. well not that, 4 hours is a big deal, but around the same pasir ris park and park connectors for 4 hours is no joke.anyway it's extremely thereupatic, i swear. i didnt realise i cycle that long too? i guess that 's what happens when you have your ipod, and when you allow yourself to immerse yourself fully in the embrace of nature.
it must be the breeze. it was as delicate as fingers that, of a mother, running ever so gently in your hair, stroking the face and soothing your worries. then it's also watching the sunset casting its myriad hues of orange and reds on the sea as those men cast their rods in for their final catch of the day that's so surreal. instantaenously, it's almost like you have attained a sense of nirvana, where nothing else matters anymore.

why should it matter? when you cant lose what you never did own, and you cant gain what never did belong. it's especially so, when you will lose all that's in your possession in your final last breath, the more you owned, the more you will have to give up.

then.hmmm. i am happy. i cant tell why. i just am. it's something inside. i dont know. does it mean anything at all when you have a particular song on repeat mode, then you start smiling to yourself like a dumbfuck?

i cant get to sleep.

god knows why.

last night was madness at zouk.

havent saw such a happy and crazy crowd for quite some time now.

elthevin, qian, louis, charlene and i lost each other. i was supposed to find kenp too? but the crowd was alittle more than i can handle. i saw/met so many familiar faces. jayson and company ( UNKER ROD, WHY DIDNT YOU GO!), shermon , and a couple of friends from college.

but i reckon it was fine and dandy with me. i met/had john. it was amusing and totally random to have him msged elthevin that he kidnapped me, and wanted a ransom from elthevin? well,we did have a good time together,no? :)

it's incoherence at its best now. head's still spinning, havent really slept at all.

everything that happened last night 's seems to be on a playback mode now. appears the moment i close my eyes.

havent felt this way with anybody in a long while now.


then i just checked my grades. fuck shite.
tapaoed one. taxation 's bane to my existance really. it's an accursed karma,that's what it is. yes.
this 's what happens when you have a screwed up relationship . the before and after effects of it were obviously too hard to bear, too detrimental to both emotional, mental,physical health, and now, my grades.
just when can i start meeting decent and nice men.



bah . i cant write/blog decently now. let's sleep and pray that i can get my ass outta here next year. a good 2008 please.

It's a long awaited reunion of the weekend proletariat. many werent present,but nonetheless, the ones that matter most were around. it's comforting to revel just in the mere prescence of each other, after so long. our laughter that once resonated so very often in our lives, now only sets the hearts into ceaseless sighs that warm the chilly nights. The downpour couldnt turn us away, nor could it dampen our spirits.
From moment to moment and from place to place, let our friendship be the transcendental promise to one another always ;wherever we maybe.


to our 6 years. and 3 years.

WHAT ELSE IS NEW IN THE FESTIVE SEASON OTHER THAN BLOATED TUMMIES WAITING TO IMPLODE WITH YOUR PARTY POPPERS.

well for one,
WE HAVE A funky elthevin WHO DECIDED TO CURL HIS HAIR. As his bestie, i am still coming to terms with it. i still love him, all the same, no doubt about it,whether curly or not.
and i promised him that i will pay tribute to his curly wurlies too..

so yes,it's different, and one thing for sure, you will be the predecessor to all singaporean men having curly hair. yes, the trendsetter of metrosexual fashion in the local fashion scene.

nownow, let's hail to the wurlyburlies of elvin's crown.

p.s to mybestie. we are now two happy curly bestfriends,no? if you can convince zhong to curl his hair too. i will buy you 4 suckling pigs!

for all the times, that i havent tell you how much i love you, for being who you are as a person and how much you mean to me, here's to the 3 years of our friendship.

elthevin with a happy roasted wilbur! haha!

-g:grog:g-

it's 12.36 pm.

and i just woke up. :/

then i woke up at 4pm yesterday.

i swear all that late night partying, and hanging out is turning my dingy biological clock upside down.

i reckon house parties will soon be a bane to my existance. especially if it's invited by gun and if it belongs to eug's sis's and friends. ;)
i have gone really quite broke for reasons i shant tell. but i am sure there will be a comeback soon enough. there must be.

it was also only after yesterday, that i realised what i am really looking for in a partner. it's really quite sad , now that i think most of the men that i went out with / or saw was really 1., really quite juvenile after all, 2. slimy characters who thought they had it all.

then it's another house party by chow tomorrow, then suppers with the weekend proletariat on tue and wed.
all that festive binging isnt doing my thoat and tummy well.

i am anticipating what the future holds for me. i am seeing some light and direction now.
as much as i detest accountancy, i got to say , that it can and will provide me with the financial means to pursue how i will like to live my life and what i will like to do with it. i take comfort in reasons, simply,that there are others who hates what they are doing, and often their remunerations are measly peas. there's always a trade off, no? it all depends on which trade off offers you the best payback, no?
we will see how , let's get the remaining 3 sems over and done with first.

but for now, one thing i am certain of .
masters ! masters ! masters! i want a masters!
and 2.
i am hell bent on on going for exchange prog. i wannnnt to go go go go. i want to go the louvre,champ elysees,westminster abbey, then prague and italy too.

then mum says we may be going to switzerland next year.

nownow, give me reasons, why i shouldnt pour a glass of moet chandon for mum and i now.


please , let's have a good 2008.
:D

-drifter-

there's this unexplainable plane of peace about his room.

it has been a long time since she last had such a long deep sleep.

it must have been that familiar musty expired scent of cigs that lingers on the sheets.

she knew she could sleep on forever, on that bed.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

as the end of another year draws near, as we celebrate the birth of christ, with each and every laughter and utterances of blessings and love, let's not forget all the other blessed children of god.

http://www.childrensociety.org.sg/edonation/index.htm

i made mine. so make yours today! :)

im back. from town, the second time today.

ERAGON's good .it's almost like a revival/reminiscnce of a boy's childhood dream of dragons and knights. somehow it reminds me of mighty max. anyway, i think the scriptwriter got to be shot, i swear some of the things that he said to brom and arya were so cheesy and corny, that i swear it just cracked us up so bad in the theatre.

i decided. i think i want edward speleers for xmas. hmm yes, edward speleers in a spunky red boxers with GREEN DRAGONS prints. okaye. i also want to change my name to ELOEGON. ;)

hmm. i dont know. i think it was a good night out with bestie elthevin.

at least, it was through all that convos in our walks and meal that i got my answers. i like how our perceptions and opinions reign so freely in our convos,how our random ideas bounced off one another . i like how we formulate new notions and common grounds based on each other's differing views.

yes, i think i like how receptive we both are to differences and how we agree upon each other that while it's natural to form passing impressions of people, we should never judge. judgments are well , personal opinions permanently/long term inscribed on another individual. it's sad how this permanence derived from the temporal differing views and deviations of personal beliefs is dividing people. it's funny how increasingly, people also fail to see how their own cognitive bias is blinding them . it's learning to see and know that acceptance of these differences does not/should not jeopardize an individual's value system and self worth, no matter how conflicting it is with the rest of the world.

we talked about beauty too. beauty in its most superficial form in a social setting , as well as its literal definitions .increasingly our society develops this platonist view on beauty, where beauty has to take a certain form, and how it has clear defined criterions to what beauty encompasses . any deviation from that criterion will thus render a object as invalid and unacceptable. Then, it also believes in the functionality as a basis in defining beauty, any entity that fails to perform its role in the society becomes irrelevant and inessential. but surely, there are beauty in all the differing shades and hues of grey of individuality ? and it's only up to each and every of us to be discerning enough to accept these differences and appreciate it?

we judge; to protect our beliefs and values. we judge ; to affirm our social standing. we judge;to bolster our own personal insecurities. we judge ; to define the acceptable norms ;to draw divides between the blacks and whites of a societal culture and its values.

is it people that define a societal culture/norms?
or is it societal culture that defines people?

-enigma-

it's quite silly really.
looking back, everything that happened didnt seem real after all.
this whole year has been such a blur . it as if i have been everywhere, but i have gone nowhere actually.
it's like i am back to where i was, only this time round , i lost so much more than i gained.
then again, i realised you can lose anything and everything,but your mind and sense of self.
and for all that i lost, i will never want to be who i was in 2006.

i dont remember alot of things anymore .the things i have done, people that i have met . now it's all a tapestry of vague edeitic images decaying with time.
feelings wane. memories fade.

it's like i am a carcass now. hollow through and through,with my sanity treading along perilously in a vortex we call time. time- where nothing and nobody can be a constance; whereno one ever stays and no one ever leaves.

lesson of the yr2006 : existentalism at its best where all you are/have is yourself.

okaye .
my friend is/may/can arrange a fhm girl next door photo shoot for me next thursday/friday. and last night, ken p and i spent a good 3 hours on the phone deciding whether i should go for it,amongst other random and outrageous topics..

i wasnt too sure abt it last night.

till now, i am still feeling apprehensive about it.


but right at this moment, i think i will give it a try. :D

okaye. i am back. back from the land of saswasdees and samesame-s.

it's good. vacation's good. it's a pity that the thai SE market only crashed one day before we headed home. not that i am gloating over their 40 billon blunder, but with all that depreciation in the baht, we really cld have cleared mbk, platinum and pratunam.

and hmmm. okaye. can i say I HAVE A NEW FOUND PENCHANT FOR THAI BOYS. THEY ARE CUTE. they are, really.
like their padthais, it just gets better. mmmm.

anyway, now that i am back, i gotta plan and save up for my exchange programme. i am planning to head to us? well , i suppse it wld be good now that bestie elthevin's going to be there too. and with bestie zhong and greg in us too. I THINK WE ARE GOING TO ROCK BALLS.

and i am planning a secret photography trip to myanmar/vietnam this jan. ALL BY MYSELF. i like that solitude of travellling alone. it's dangerous, but shite happens all the time, no? i guess it's being able to conciously assign all that's tying you down to the oblivion of yr subconcious and yet replevining your sanity , freedom to find yourself all over again in a foreign land.
but, bah. i am alittle cash strapped now. we will see how.okaye. nvm.

let's just say. i think i work,live and breathe better elsewhere.

then i am having relapses again. it feels even tighter these days. ):

and i am going to be hellava busy woman for the next 2 weeks.
chow's purple and silver xmas party .1
then meet up with gun,elthevin, zhong, and mich. 2
then. do my photos. 3
then prata anniversary with ken p. 4
do my photoshoot at chinatown. 5
then chalet . 6


i have got tonnes of photos to upload?but it's a sure hassle ,seeing how blogger and photofucket screws up all the time. most of it are from my shoot of the cityscape in tiong bahru.


not many pics were taken during the trip , so for now, here's a couple of them.

i was working WITH the theme 'people' this time round. well,some of these were just mummy woon and her bevy of sisters caught in candid, whilst others , were photography ideas , which i thought, were interesting.

the order of a new day:

Grigori - beauty hides in the deep but it's so hard to find says:
let eloera in universe R wake up now.

Grigori - beauty hides in the deep but it's so hard to find says:
she's dreamt enough.


A parallel universe with infinite lives and dimensions of a same being .
fuck this life. and say goodbye.

Above & Beyond :: tri-state

+++++++++++++++++++++++
any.

i dont know if it's good.
but these days, i dont bother with anything,anyone else anyhow,anymore.

i guess i just i cant wait to leave next year.

ANYWAY,
+ holidays make you FAT. i am now tipping the scale at 43.6kg.and my constipation's back. havent been pooping for 5 days now. HOW.nvm, we will digress and leave that crisis alone awhile. detoxicification starts today. and no more festive season indulgence.

+ and the trip to sibu was rusticness at its best. even the road trip there was an adventure of its own. we drove there, with nothing else but old sch tupac and warren g s blasting on the stereo.then the boat ride and that held up with the marine police.for now, i am totally burnt and cooked.so this 's what it's like to be microwaved. uv rays are a nono to yr skin. i dont know why but my skin looked as if they are swelling or something.

+ then i have got invites to the opening of THE CANNERY @ clarke quey on friday. who's keen? cos i am not and you can have it.

+and the days ahead are going to be so busy. and i have yet to meet up with mich and thatflyingbestie. bah. this sucks.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

gods go begging-echos of the war
"her sight and hearing intact ;
all that had been amputated was only her ability to give or receive love... "

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