//reflections of her angel in the coffee cup.//

it's when he uses his utmost means to love,even her mum ,2200 miles away,
it's knowing how he is getting along, and how this short ,but nevertheless draining respite, is taking a toll on him,and his body;
it's listening to his impassioned whispers of reassurance dance to the parade of their heartbeats,
it's reading these words of beauty of dreams,of kindness, and of love that's beyond her comprehension;

it's having this overwhelming intangibility of his love, ache her heart, and leave her speechless and small on this day of christmas;



that she knows, he sits on the throne of her heart beyond the veils of time.


happy monniversary,love.

++++++++++++++++++++
all i want for christmas is you.

//walking down the aisle.//

at 1245hr, i will be boarding the plane ,whizzed away to a land of anchestral bemusement.well, it's going to be my first time afoot on the land that my good'o' grandpop is raised as a fella.God knows, what sights i will see, stories that i will hear,food that i will taste.

But with 25 of my folks, travelling with me, i reckon it should going be to quite an adventure/(misadventure?).



2 weeks away from thebf with him flying overseas too isnt going to be easy.but we will see how.



tothebf: be good. i will be good too.
and when you are back, i will go pick you and your folks up from the airport.

//december rain.//

it has been awhile.

this temporary pausal that seemed almost permanent,to people around, if not this very being of mine who once relishes any opportunity to write,and explore .

these days, words have transposed its purpose ,from the outlet of myriad, strange thoughts,to the purifying essence of my learning of my own being, and of strangers and authors alike.

the days have expired, the thoughts have not.

a cousin,whom,i grew up with ,but never had a chance to grow close to, was one of the few, who survived the canoeing mishap at cambodia.It never struck me ,how close i was to, losing someone whom i never did talk enough to, or played with as a child.That fear,of losing him or even anyone at all now,never felt more real, never felt a resent this intense,to lord above, for having man,blinded by the desire of life's excesses and pride, to learn lessons of love, through losses and death.


i tell myself, too many times but not,that i need no one, that i do not need what he/she is not willing to give.To take it upon myself the responsibility of my wellbeing and care, to protect,and to deprecate all who think and should do otherwise, has rendered me belligerent and hard.Rational and pragmatism has rid me of the ability to euphemise love, with romance,but to only fill me with apathy of shakepeare's aggrandized notion of love.

destiny, a word of cosmic incomprehensible depth ,that finds its way to the tip of our tongues far too often,as an easy excuse to shelve the responsibility of your own happiness to non worldly beings,an appropriate non scientific and non statistical reasoning to that chanced meeting of a stranger,or that presumed soul mate.

i hardly know, what that word entails for me, what does it truely encompass, if it leaves me doubtful of myself , and the future ahead.

i am angry ,and disappointed with me ,you and us,tonight, because of how you chose to sleep our dissension away , and how i chose to seek an audience ,for my incoherence and ambivalences, with an non existent alterego.

i may be mistaken.
i may be headstrong and unreasonable.

do know, if it's you that's keeping me awake at 3.35am.
it must be because i love, and care enough.

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