Saturday, December 09, 2006'♥
i am never going to be good enough.
++++++++++++++++
enochiophobic.
o i m back. i am pooped, but nonetheless, it was good to spend time with my good o' mum. these days, i realise, i am getting alittle too caught up with my photography . i was quite taken aback, and was thrown to this state of confusion and disappointment earlier on, when i found out what really goes on in the darkroom?
i always had this misconception, that film photographers are somewhat,artist of a kind, another class of their own, to be able to capture reality as real and raw as it is, with the most minimal or zero post processing treatment.Artist, that relies on their natural acumen, skill,and experience to portray life through a different medium.
that was,afterall, what drew me to photography , i thought it could offer me a escapism into a reality with the least artificial touch ups and superficiality. it was at least , a form of reconcillation of the superficiality of my very own life with what's really out there.
Film photography , is like an icing on the cake for me,something that i will do, the moment i have fully grasped and understood the workings of light control, after all ,isnt photography abt the recording of light rays? i cant afford to do film photography as yet, as a amatuer, for one, the learning curve's too costly, and knowing myself, i dont want all that anticipation in the development of my works and the disappointment after which, to demoralise me and subsequently kill my passion. no doubt , it forces me to learn, but at least to me, the joy of photography is the trial and error process in the whole learning journey that makes it so fulfilling.
maybe, i shld say, that my ultimate dream in photography is to capture the world and its beauty, as raw and natural as it is, and not ever relying on photoshop for post processing. though i gotta say, i have lessened my reliance greatly on photoshop now that i am using a dslr, just the occasional tweaking of the saturation ,curves and contrast to compensate for the light inadequacy in my works.
that was, well, just a thought, that i needed to pen down. i wont give up on photography, just yet. on the contary, i see myself pushing further to realising my beliefs.
anyway, i think i am getting crowd phobic, it gives me a headache to just be in the midst of everyone else. i dont know, it chokes up my thoughts somehow, and i feel as if i am chained, chained to the footsteps and shadows of the stranger in front of me. i cant help but to feel that i am coerced into moving along with his footsteps and to breathe his thoughts as well. neither do i want to know, of the hurried steps of that someone behind me.
i will run, walk, fly as i wish.
i want to reign free. as idealistic as it may be.
then this other worried friend,haha!, said that i am becoming too free spirited, that it scares him.
hmmmm.a good weekend to all.
let's all live for the moment, no?
12:31 PM
